Dorset, Somerset &amp; Bristol

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If you have children of secondary school age, you’ll know that the&nbsp;A-level results arrived this week (eeek) and next Thursday 20 August, it’s D-Day for GSCE students. It’s an unprecedented time, and if Scotland’s handling of results is anything to go by, it could be a stressful day for everyone involved. 



Unfortunately, you can’t tamper with the grades or yell “FAKE NEWS!” when your morose child hands you his or her results sheet. You can, however, control your own emotions and how you react. Here’s our Parents’ Guide to Surviving Exam Results and doing the right thing by your kids, with thanks to the professionals who actually know what they’re talking about.



<h2 class="wp-block-heading">Control your disappointment </h2>



“If your child comes home with worse than expected results, the 
chances are they’ll be bothered by them, even if they’re not showing it.
 You may also be feeling pain, frustration, anxiety or anger, but stop 
and ask yourself – ‘Is this helpful how I’m about to respond right 
now?’, ‘Is this a real crisis or am I catastrophising?’ If your mind is 
telling you that this is a disaster or difficult, it’s because a core 
value that you uphold – for example, wanting the best for your children;
 worries about financial security; or social anxiety associated with 
their ‘failure’ – has come under stress. 



I’d suggest reading two books by Dr Russ Harris –&nbsp;The Happiness Gap and The Confidence Gap –&nbsp;both of which offer a number of techniques to rein in your mind and not act on your own anxieties, and will help you not to shoot the messenger! When you’re 80 years old and reflecting on your life, do you think your child’s A-level results will feature highly in your memory? Or that high A-level grades predict happiness in your child’s 40s and 50s? If the answer is no, pause for a moment – recognise that your ‘evolutionary’ mind is warning you of something dangerous (which is fine) but that you don’t need to react to that perceived threat at that moment. A perspective shift is helpful in these cases and the chances are that a few hours later, or by the next morning, things will be a bit less raw.”



Dr Kai Thilo, chartered and registered clinical psychologist and partner 



<h2 class="wp-block-heading">It’s OK for them to be grumpy</h2>



“If your child has had a disappointing set of exam results and is is 
angry, grumpy, a bit rude or non-communicative,&nbsp;try not to take it 
personally – half the time this is just normal adolescent behaviour 
anyway. Give your child some space to come to terms with their results 
and acknowledge that it’s a difficult time for them. They will be 
speaking to their friends and will probably turn to them for support as 
much as you. So, if they’re on their phone all the time try not to get 
frustrated – hard though it is for us, this is how young people&nbsp;relate 
to&nbsp;and connect with others. They’re not&nbsp;necessarily playing computer 
games and zoning out.



“If&nbsp;you are finding it hard to talk to an uncommunicative or 
difficult offspring, find another way to show unconditional love so that
 they feel supported at home. It might just be making a dessert they 
like, buying them something special, making an effort to not force a 
conversation they don’t want to have. Adolescence is period of 
readjustment for the whole family and when bad exam results also enter 
the picture, it&nbsp;can feel&nbsp;even more complicated – perhaps both parents 
and child will be thinking: ‘What will they do?’, ‘Where will they go?’ 



Usually, it’s not the end of the world and new doors open as others 
shut. If the teenage grumpiness and anger develops into something more 
serious – perhaps they begin to&nbsp;isolate themselves from their 
peers,&nbsp;sleep badly, lose weight or start behaving in an 
uncharacteristically listless way, this is when the alarm bells should 
ring. Otherwise, show them you love them regardless of manners, exam 
results and their behaviour around the house and it will be all right.”



Jane Barker, pyschotherapist and counsellor



<h2 class="wp-block-heading">Hatch a plan</h2>



“There are plenty of other options out there if your child hasn’t managed the grades they were hoping for. Firstly, it may be possible for your child to re-sit straight away, depending on the education board.&nbsp;



Other options? Apprenticeships are considered a real job. Employers 
respect them, and it’s more likely a job will be offered by the same 
employer after completing an apprenticeship.&nbsp;Traineeships last from six 
weeks to six months, and can be an ideal opportunity for young people 
motivated to get a job/apprenticeship but who lack the skills and 
experience employers are looking for.”



Kris Hunt,&nbsp;<a href="https://www.notgoingtouni.co.uk/">Not Going To Uni</a>.



Get clued up



It might well be that sparkling A-Level results are not required for 
the corner of the job market where your child will thrive. But it’s not 
easy as a parent to navigate the enormous (and rapidly changing) world 
of paid employment when you’ve been beavering away in corporate 
accounting for 24 years. So bring in the professionals. <a href="https://www.careerscollective.org">Careers Collective</a>&nbsp;is
 a group of experienced, independent careers consultants who offer 
coaching, online and face-to-face workshops and downloadable guidance to
 help steer children and graduates towards a happy and productive 
working life.



Consider a helping hand



Gaps in education and dreaded subjects can often be responsible for 
pulling down results from good to average. So there’s absolutely no harm
 in doing something about it before those sticking points get inked down
 on a grades certificate. <a href="https://muddystilettos.co.uk/kids/online-school-virtual-learning-children/">Interhigh</a>
 is an online school that works with kids form ages seven to 18 and can 
offer bespoke solutions to specific issues and can work very effectively
 alongside regular education.



If at first you don’t succeed…



If long-held dreams of being a brain surgeon are starting to fade courtesy of a dispiriting percentage in chemistry, don’t panic – because retakes are an option. <a rel="noreferrer noopener" aria-label="Bath Academy (opens in a new tab)" href="https://dorsetsomerset.muddystilettos.co.uk/kids/school-reviews/bath-academy-bath/" target="_blank">Bath Academy</a> offers a wide range of A Levels, GCSEs and university foundation courses, including intensive courses, to help get your child where they need to go.



If all else fades, hit the botanicals



While alcohol is no remedy for all of life’s difficulties (that’s a slippy slope none of us need to go down), there’s nothing like a cooling G&amp;T to take the edge off a stressful day!&nbsp;Stock up on a naughty Somerset or Dorset<a rel="noreferrer noopener" aria-label=" artisan gin (opens in a new tab)" href="https://dorsetsomerset.muddystilettos.co.uk/food-and-drink/artisan-gin-somerset-dorset-bristol-bath/" target="_blank"> artisan gin </a>to help either celebrate or commiserate. And remember, in the words of Scarlett O’Hara, tomorrow’s another day.

The Parents’ Guide to Surviving Exam Results…

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