Dorset, Somerset &amp; Bristol

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Emotions show up everywhere and are tied up with how we move through the world, says Somerset-based Emotions Coach Claire Fitzsimmons, but often they&#8217;re the last thing we pay attention to, particularly as we make plans and resolutions for 2024. What we feel often comes last but what if that’s the place we started this January?



Our emotions are entangled with all kinds of messages that can get in their way. Some of us hold strong beliefs for instance around happiness (that it’s not allowed for us) or vulnerability (we’ll be laughed at), and this impacts the space we take up, what we set our sights on, and how we show up in our lives.



By exploring some beliefs that (unconsciously) shape how you experience your emotional life, and exploring how to move beyond these, you can learn how to flow with your emotions. Getting curious about them can positively impact all areas of your everyday life, from relationships to work to overall mental health. Making your emotional well-being a key part of 2024 can help you feel more fulfilled, confident and connected.



First, where are you starting from? Do any of these beliefs feel familiar?



“It’s not ok to feel”



We may have learned that we shouldn’t feel; or if we do, we need to conceal our emotions from others, even from ourselves. It’s not acceptable in our societies, families, or relationships to express emotions. We don’t want to “make a fuss” or be labelled “too sensitive”.



“I don’t have time for that”



Alternatively, we skip over our emotions. We believe we don’t have the time to deal with them. Sometimes what we feel comes last, so much so that we put our emotional lives on hold, indefinitely.



“What I feel is wrong”



We may feel shame in experiencing the “wrong” emotions. We believe we’re not showing up in an appropriate way, that we’re not getting our feelings right. Have you ever told yourself: “I should be feeling grateful, but I feel overwhelmed.”



“I can’t cope if I let feelings in”



Sometimes we’re so scared of going there, that we don’t allow emotions space at all. Emotions can unsettle us. We’re worried we’ll struggle to manage them, that we’ll become overwhelmed, that we’re an “emotional mess”.



“I’m scared of finding what’s there”



Threaded through each of these is the idea that we fear what we really feel. If we don’t look that way, we never have to see, and deal with, what’s there, even as it surfaces in other ways.



Like when you snap at someone, it’s not anger you’re feeling but frustration about something else. Or when you burst into tears not because of sorrow, but due to overwhelm.



What if this year you learned to shift some of these beliefs and make space for emotions in ways that are safe, connecting and impactful? Try these practices in 2024 to become more confident about exploring your emotions and to trust what you feel (and why).



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1/ Put language to emotions



Studies have found that when we can name an emotion, we’re better able to move through it. The problem is that most of us have a limited emotional vocabulary; American professor and author Brené Brown says her workshop participants can usually name just three: happy, sad and angry. Start to play with this sentence: “I’m feeling…” Then get granular about what that is: is the fear you feel about anxiety, insecurity or rejection? Or is your happiness about joy, optimism or hope?



2/ Learn how emotions show up in your body



Those butterflies in your stomach, that knot in your neck, that tightness across your chest; those are feelings and when we make contact with them, we understand what we need. You might find yourself saying, “I think I feel sad”, rather than actually feeling sad. If you start to feel unsteady tapping into an emotion, take a few deep breaths to regulate your nervous system.



3/ See emotions not as obstacles but as indicators of unmet needs



Emotions carry messages, such as boundaries crossed or where we feel heard and seen. When we listen to our emotions, we’re really listening to our needs.



4/ Start to notice where judgment comes in



What are you telling yourself when you don’t allow feelings in? That you’ll seem vulnerable… that you’re indulgent? Learn to notice the beliefs that sit between you and your emotions, and replace them with something that serves you better: that emotions signal strength, that they help you find your way. What belief could help you invite them in?



5/ Consider which emotions you want to reach for



We’re prejudiced toward happiness in our culture, but what about bravery, courage, calm and peace? How could you expand your emotional range? What emotional goal (or resolution) could you set for yourself right now?



6/ Perhaps most importantly, bring in self-compassion



This might be the first time you’ve allowed your emotions space after a lifetime of concealing, denying or refusing them. Or a new emotion, like sadness or rage, might be catching you off guard, particularly if you’ve never allowed yourself to express it. Acknowledge how hard this can be. You’ve built up some learned assumptions that you are also dealing with. There is no guilt or shame for feeling what you feel.



This year, commit to your wellbeing by working with (rather than against) your emotions. Take small steps towards what you feel, and find ways to regulate your emotions if you become flooded. Get curious about your feelings… it could be the key that unlocks your hopes for 2024.



<a href="https://www.ifloststarthere.com/about-us" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Claire Fitzsimmons</a> helps people have <a href="https://www.ifloststarthere.com/emotions-sessions" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">a better relationship with their emotions</a> so they can feel more fulfilled across all areas of their lives. She is a certified Emotions Coaching Practitioner (with In Good Company), an ICF Associate Certified Coach (ACC) and the co-founder of <a href="https://www.ifloststarthere.com/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">If Lost Start Here</a>, a company supporting better emotional wellbeing for everyone.

Go with the flow: how to work with – rather than against – your emotions

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